Parachuting is the act of appointing people who had prestigious political roles to administrative positions they don’t have the requirements or the competences for (e. g. an ex-commissioner with little academic experience who is nominated rector of a renowned European college). It is unfortunately a modus vivendi common practice in the public sector and, useless to say, it damages the credibility of the institutions, costs the citizens lots of money, and it prevents skilled people from seeing their talent recognized.

Many staff unions invite their members to report such malpractice, but they don’t have the tools to fight it. That’s why DG MEME pushes for the creation of DG SPONGE (Skydivers, Parachuters and Other Needless Geriatric Elite), a Directorate-General specifically tailored to the institutions post-political needs: DGs can chip in with part of their budget and in exchange being allowed to park there their most useless elements.

International Workers’ Day 2019, a few days before the elections: members of the cabinets discover the joy of parachuting on their favorite target: the DGs around Schuman.

According to its statute, the main goal of DG SPONGE is “supporting, through inaction, the well-functioning of the European Union”. To make it more appealing, special rules will apply to position titles: no more Directors but Gran-Viziers, no more deputies but Vassals, no more Heads Of but Satraps.